I’ve lost my joy. My days just feel bleak as I sit on the sofa watching the hours pass by. Each night I end my day with frustration, at all the time I let slip by me. Minutes turned to hours where I’ve scrolled, slept or stared at a screen absorbing nothing. My life is rushing past so fast but I’m no longer participating. I have projects waiting. I have tasks that need doing. But my motivation has vanished. Even things I would usually be passionate about spark nothing, no matter how desperately I wish it would. I just feel … Continue reading “I’ve lost my Joy”
Month: September 2023
Mental health support is just a lie
Today I feel anger. Today I feel violence. And heaven help those who cross me. When you look on the internet, in the papers and on the news you’d be forgiven for thinking that mental health is a big thing that we are all encouraged to talk about, to be supportive of those who struggle and that help is out there. But I’m here to tell you it’s bullshit. People don’t like to associate with those who have mental health struggles. It’s a dirty little secret that should not be seen or heard. Hide it away. Bury it deep inside, … Continue reading “Mental health support is just a lie”
The waiting game
When we originally talked about my taking some leave to get my mental health back in a good place, the plan was to start getting back to work by the end of September. We’re halfway through the month and it’s not going to happen. I still can’t walk. My twisted ankle is still very far from being healed. I’m fact, if anything it feels a little bit worse today than it was earlier in the week. Did I overdo it the other day? Maybe. But it’s so bloody boring just sitting about. Even if I am just shuffling from one … Continue reading “The waiting game”
It’s finally here
This week I’ve been having night terrors. The kind where you’re not sure if you’re asleep or awake. The first one followed a dream. A dream where I had to choose between shopping a good friend in for committing a murder that was completely out of character Vs letting someone I know to be of bad merit take the fall. I spent the whole dream conflicted. Over who deserved to serve. Then when I ‘woke’ I was alone. And I was scared. I knew I had to run, to get out. Something bad was coming. But the pain in my … Continue reading “It’s finally here”